It's always the best of imes and the worst of times ...... depending on your focus .

The day before yesterday , which was very cold , I heard a noise in my hall way , I was only dressed in house shoes and flannel pants , I stepped into the hallway , to check it out and , to my horror , I heard the door close and lock behind me ! It was already well into the evening . I only had a passing aquaintance with one neighbor , so I knocked on his door and asked to use his phone . I called the super , the police , the fire department ; all to know availe..... although I did accompany these protectors of the city , in my house shoes up to the roof , in the snow , climbed the fire escape to find that I am fairly well burgler proof and that during a crisis , I'm fairly well indifferent to freezing to death .

My neighbor , who looks like Don King , minus his front teeth , an attention deficit and has a therory about playing loud music out his window , to some how transmit subliminal messages to the women in the neighborhood , who want to hook up with him , He was actually , very kind . He said he had a sleep problem , so we sat up and talked about things ; covering the cultural differences between races , u.f.o.s , ghosts in the building , etc. untill finally his inability to sleep , took over and he koncked out .


I spent the night meditating and waitng for the hour to arrive when the super would actually answer the phone . The super , did , indeed arrive ..............three hours later and amazingly , was able to bypass the inscrutable , inpenatrable lock , with a stiff piece of plastic !? I thanked the super , my neighbor and several friends , I'd called in sheer desparation at three a . m . ! Then I took a long hot bath , made fresh coffee and a large breakfast , followed by a tranquilizer and a long backward glance at the odd turn of events that've lead me to this , somewhat , solo existence and cluttered life .

I stayed awake all day , alternating between the stove and eletric heaters for some solice and comfort . My cat "Bijoux" was happy to cuddle up with me and seemed to understand and was able to consol me , as I flicked through the alienated memeories of family and all the dear friends I'd known , before they had passed away . Did the thought of suicide cross my mind ? Yes, for a brief moment , fortunately it's an easy out , I do not subscribe to . I did take stock of the work , I'd managed over the decades , past loves that swore to stand by me " no matter what " and finally escaped all these circumstancial events and people by turning my senses inward to where the experience of life itself and the one experiencing it , merge . I don't really understand how anyone can keep on going day after day , without this ability . They are constantly reacting to the mind and all of it's activities , it seems .

O.K. , today is a new but cold day and I'm still giving myself a break to physically recover and through myself into my work . No, follow up phone calls from anyone and another day passes , after making a couple of meals for myself and a night of dealing with this second hand , DELL , which is more unstable than my surroundings and most of my aquaintances .

So, I go into the evening , bathed , fed , a roof over my head and a handful of finished and unfinished works ................ and a general feeling that life is good !